'Seeing that one cannot see the absence of things is true seeing.'
Shen Hui 'know that you do not know. that is knowledge.'
getting’s not possible here where getter and got are one impermanence
losing’s not possible here where loser and lost are one impermanence
calories produce all your notions until you, in turn, produce notions
the freedom to be miserable the freedom to suffer the freedom to be wrong: self-help 101
* toss some letters on the rug
if they throb with meaning that’s just your pulse talking
you study the dharma then you try to live it but you only live your own confusion-dharma you're a master at it welcome to the club
there’s a death-map on your helmet
you’ll have to take it off to read it
false doctor treats the obvious poison with a less obvious one
but the most obvious poison is its own cure
when the dharma is digested by the brain, words are...
not really a breakthrough not really broken through, this absent barrier
the breakthrough experience is just open eyes
brainstem as periscope: which end are you peering through?
* thinking, inverting...
every window's a mirror
horizontal mind—one of many
vertical mind—just one
you can’t do anything about the zero-dimensionality of...everything
even though you return to the river and it’s still a river even though you return to the flame and it’s still a flame even though you return to the self and it’s still a self
bodymind as fear-greed is the accidental teacher
what is its lesson?
everything it misses
not who but what is a thinker? an explainer?
flashes in the pan
tangential thinking—being lost in thought—is a fleshless lidding of the eyes
like a pack mule you’re carrying a heavy load
precious baggage strapped tightly to your mule-self
the straps are held in place by pins
the pins are forcefully held in place by you
even though you’re home already
nonduality as duality:
ineluctable victory for sore winners like you
light-doubt itself is a molecule of light: light doubting light
(just because it’s dark doesn’t mean it’s not light)
even a devil’s eyes can open—right now!
like flushing a toilet
first read between lines then think between thoughts then gape at gaps in your solidity
‘form is emptiness’ means an object is its context ‘emptiness is form’ means a context is a contextualized object
‘true entrusting’ is here, floating our doubt
isn’t the goal to eliminate doubt?
‘true entrusting’ is the goal that presently contains us
the sage didn’t say: give up learning and there’s nothing you won’t be able to know
he said: give up knowing and there’s nothing you won’t be able to learn
not: separating what you like from what you dislike is the disease of the mind rather: separating what you like from what you dislike is...mind
where do you live?
but you’re agitated!
I’m a human being living in ataraxia
eyeball to eyeball dependents and adversaries with mutual tracking beams lock onto their shared horizontal frequencies, grow blinders like aluminum fins, grind their teeth and sharpen their narrowing appetites—all while vertical light paints them with blush and with grandmother’s laughter (an equalizing constant they seem to want to die to)
the Healing Power is oblivious to your wounds
it’s as if they don’t really exist
is money involved? business? hierarchy? careers? bureaucracy?
is tomorrow important? process? effort? merit? accomplishment? time?
are ideas sustained? budgets? buildings? leaders? practices? practice freedom, practice quitting
bodymind pours all its juice into getting
everything in the room is in place
when you move something you move it into place
you were in place and then you moved into place
suffering without label is just heat
one thing is dependent on another horizontally but vertically all you find is noncontinuity:
thought-stream as raining evaporation
the answer is: there is no answer
the one who says ‘the answer’s here’ is the devil
every moment lost in words is necessary blindness but that’s not the bulk of your reality
you squint out between eyelid words to find that bulk staring back like the sun
if you think peace is within you'll invert, painfully
if you think peace is without you'll hope, painfully
if you think
note the compulsive effort to improve 'me' and 'mine'
how does that effort feel?
there's a life-saving pocket of air inside despair!
non-forgiveness is recognized repeatedly
and a spacious, boundless embrace metabolized through breath...
many people counseled him against happiness not in so many words but somehow the lessons he retained were on the negative side
the unspoken messages were the ones that really stuck the only thing he did was criticize and self-criticize 24/7
then a really odd thing happened or it happened, in a way, without happening
without any actual changes to his fucked-up self he opened his fucked-up eyes
charismatic people are the devil whole thoughts are the devil wordsmiths are devils success is the devil conclusions like these are the devil
what is not the devil?
failure stumbles mumbles incompleteness death
what about anger and hate? very, very complete, successful, well-rounded things perfectly articulated breakable
nonduality is reality
this is inconceivable but livable, a liberating paradox
nondual truth is everyone’s unmissable truth
not an idea, and neither religious nor secular, it is inherent and foundational, internal and external, subjective and objective life itself
it is what is prior to thought, and it ‘contains’ thought
it is discovered, or more accurately, acknowledged, negatively through the felt recognition of its apparent opposite: the presumption of duality and the consequent effort toward egoic self enhancement and self-protection…
dualistic, persistent fear-greed is instinctive and learned—it’s a lifelong habit
the good news is, when this contracting, self-caused compulsion-in-action is noticed, it becomes the primary teacher!
recognition, not belief, is key; effortful practices are redundant; character, behavior, intelligence, success, failure, personal merit, external conditions—are irrelevant…
words always miss the mark in this unmissable realm, but dialectical discussion exposes an open secret in the space between fixed ideas
we learn from dialogue, we learn from experience, we learn from the Ashtravakra and Avadhuta gitas, and from radically free thinkers like Longchenpa, Shinran, Nisargadatta, Huang-po, Bankei, Seng-ts’an, Krishnamurti, HWL Poonja, Tony Parsons, ‘Sailor Bob’ Adamson…
nonduality is the timeless, unconditional, unhindered context and essence of apparent duality; it is the impersonal, undeified, undignified, undefined (by any of this) magnificent vertical truth of all time-bound horizontal beings
according to the senses there’s a big world out there
when the chronic inversion (me, me, me) is noticed, its boundless context is noticed
exhaling our thoughts leaves us in the middle of everything
that breath you took and gave back: singular sacred object and gesture in a choking ocean of superfluity
that’s a thought thoughts are self-power self-power is what we are, what we do and nothing
thoughts are ‘karmic’ both cause and effect and nothing
as something, they make poets and liars as nothing, exbuddhists
what you call transcendent is transcended by more drollery— the morning after, the walk of shame...
your next transcendent fixation is a fix that fixes all prior fixes until fixed
go slow fellow fixer let’s not wake the dogs
the incorrigible refuser finally at death sighs: oh
the equality found at the moment of death is present now between words
they mistake emptiness for aloneness but it’s oneness
only the self is alone were it real
when you criticize the failure called ‘attachment’ your self-loathing registers in the guts of the addicts near you who then redouble for your sake!
the hopeful praise the successful
in the two-tiered cemetery
* impermanence: can't get it, can't miss it, can't do it, can't not be precisely it
the 'no problem' state is not a state at all it's the realm in which the bodymind burns and that tiny heart-lamp conflagration
aphorism-as-thesis composed of bright contradictions deletes itself
antithesis-as-aphorism decomposes itself at the speed of light
the number of events composing a single event is infinite which is scored zero, as in: no problem
* the biggest chakra is always wide open and always just outside the alleged bodymind
this is not cured head-to-tail: the bodymind
except — except! — by awareness of the effort-to-cure
the psychotherapeutic journey is a journey into self but self is a myth and psychotherapy is a self-generating myth
the spiritual journey is a journey into self but self is a myth and spirituality is a myth-generating vortex of self
the journey into self is a self-stirring/shit-stirring storm of incoherent myth: the ‘problem’ is a myth, the ‘cure’ is a myth, but ‘myth’ is also a myth…
sliced up: the mundane/horizontal into vertical strips time into timelessness salvation as essence
beginnings and endings are emotions that begin and end
whenever emptiness clings to or repels emptiness a 'me' is born
desire for something other, something else, runs in a constant stream beneath your feet
you can straddle that stream without getting wet
repressing fear makes it real confessing it shows its contextual irrelevance
helpful oppressors and exploiters would have us believe that we must produce our own value through effort
but our inherent value makes effort and oppressors and exploiters
panic at exhalation’s tip is instantly replaced by greed
ego-self (historical self, self-identity) has zero interest in this-here-now
nothing's enhanced by it not the species, not the wallet, not even the mood
this-here-now is non-success, and life
you forget, you lose, you fail, you hurt, you return to dilemma, to doubt, to the No
how funny to discover that this failure is gold!
no external figure prompts a surprising belch of laughter just one’s own digestive processes
abandon imagination only when it abandons you
until then, the theme park of self and mentation shall remain 'as is'
(on the ghost ship, the thought-hating mutiny fails)
pulled up out of the mystical muck by the ear
wacked a few times against the wall, teeth knocked out
but do we really need to articulate this anonymous freedom?
a fanatical goal of 'no suffering' or a violent ideal of 'peace of mind' would postpone the inherent and universal righteousness of being
tragically? happily this (impermanence-truth) will not be reduced to an artifact of language or memory
the alchemy of anxiety-into-freedom has no element of continuation and no patent
notice a fearful grasping sensation in the gut
it radiates to the limbs
notice how breath stops for it like waiting for a bus
no bus breathing ... resumes
happily infected by all sales pitches return everything
mindfulness? mindful? who? of what? when? where?
in this gut-instant zero-dimension pops everything like a bubble
'no' = 'yes' = 'crazy wisdom' ...
simply note the internal 'no' (of which the external 'no' is a mere echo)
and note its voidness
and quit kissing ass
the coddling industry is for the unweaned and self-coddling in a no-self realm is degenerate
but self is self? persistent fear-greed? a verb really: fearing-grasping-selfing
incurable, never grown out of but — but! — devoid of quantity
(“pay me” says the Coddler, high-living wet nurse in the geriatric ward)
the bound person is the free person
the free person is bound
we are composed of not-us sustained by not-us surrounded by not-us absorbed by not-us so in conclusion not-us is us and we are not ourselves
which makes us omnipresent in a comprehensively unhelpful way
the book is here the teaching is here the lesson is here the truth is here the destination is here
bondage-liberation, the ordinary-extraordinary—right here
pinpoint location: where feargreed coils and recoils in the head-heart-gut-groin-footsole
conveniently where you always land
one barrier: one gate
there’s been a misunderstanding
there will be no correction
to whom do you owe deference in the present moment?
this has nothing to do with your behavior
the snake swallows its tail until it gags awake
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