NO (FIXED) PATH NO (FIXED) SELF

conscious awakespletives …

A on the left, B on the right

any two distinct things
actual or conceptual
physical or mental

their identical “essence” is no-essence

goneness

this is true every time

*

there are only separations where there are separators

differences where there are differentiators

nowhere

*

my destiny is change

please disregard all prior and subsequent announcements

*

hope for the individual is infantile

our trajectory is always toward failure

and because I’m a pervert
that makes me smile

*

light bounces off walls
because it’s insane

insanely bright?

and darkly unaware
of the mad things
it grows

*

making such an effort
to make no effort...

if freedom is contingent
on the destruction of bondage
then bondage is permanent

*

inwardness isn’t cured
it festers

I look at myself
as a festering stranger

*

intoxicate the toxin

numb & run

or face and eat the tormentor

*

awareness of the locked lock unlocks it

it re-locks again and again
for hours (lifetimes) of “fun”

*

dying to dig
into this banned book
that mimes the manifesto
“Disease Is Divine” ...

*

only impermanence (the absence of “is”)

is

*

the no-problem state
is not a state of mind

it’s the mind’s state
of residence

*

something not right
must be corrected?

is the urge to correct
right?

*

why do you want
an intelligent universe
or cosmic consciousness
or God?

because you’re not quite oblivious
to your own oblivion

*

I contain my own liberation
no one else has mine

doubt keeps it locked inside

waking up to doubt-of-inherent-liberation
releases it, unauthorized

*

“I’m a B & D aficionado”

bondage and disci...?

“boredom and disappointment”

*

YES, on transforming its NO:

“when I bump against it
I breathe it”

*

if we are to capture
accomplish
contain
the Dharma
to actualize freedom
we must become
frauds
or gods
or…
frods (gurus)

rather,
Dharma contains us
as the ocean contains water

remembering this achieves it

*

my oblivious captors
don’t know that I come and go
freely through breath

if they get wise to this and cut the oxygen
I’ll escape that way instead
(I'm unstoppable)

*

when the mental tangent washes off
I’m left shivering
naked

like a newborn appetite

*

river is trying to channel itself, but its tools

its hands
its feet
its mind

are river

(this trying effort is killed by recognition)

*

deep in thought I’m pressurized, reduced

fathoms flattened like a penny
compressed by
these eyelids

*

this bodymind is fear-greed

I escape its quick-setting concrete through my
nostrils

*

this bodymind’s primal craving is a craving to
not crave

*

this bodymind produces thoughts
as waste

hungrily hoarding waste is a
developmental disorder that
stunts growth and
blocks flow

*

up against nothing

what am I resisting?

*

you won’t want to believe this but that’s on you

I’m saying that all you’ve got to do is replace the magnetic letters N and O
with a Y, an E, and an S

do this without permission
for no reason

and then keep it to yourself

*

facts (in the old days it was hard to beat facts):

(1) impermanence (us) is purity, and

(2) there’s no way out

*

biblical postscript:

“we’re no longer associated with anything we’ve written”

*

neurotic self-doubt is tiny relative to the bodymind
and its extensions

(extensions, as in:

the senses
the sensed
and the infinite field)

self-doubt is small, like an embedded chip, but organic
vital strings tie it to survival --
pulsing strings

try to remove it: bleed to death

(the chip-free guru is a psychopath who would deride my extensions and reduce me to a humorless chip)

*

mandate:

see the internal “no” now

*

samsara is truly wonderful

attachment is truly wonderful

suffering is truly wonderful

all red lights are green

*

this internally manufactured sickness…

fortunately
I only suffer from it
during the manufacturing process

after which
as a function of material grace
it quits

*

afraid? no self-confidence?

no-self confidence
is the netless net of inevitable safety

*

full-time job:

seeking the next mental pleasure

no days off but (relax)

no limits on rest breaks

*

doubt is the gate

*

enemy-wise, there’s just one of them and
none of us

*

imperfection is natural perfection

*

oneness?

there’s one fear
just one
up against everything that is not it

and there’s just one outnumbered death

*

please remove this fat stake from my heart

stop inserting it

*

“I am that” (Nisargadatta)

not “I became that”

nor “I will become that”

*

so many steps I could take to
“make this a better world”

endless opportunities to help!

I choose today to not lift a finger

I am officially “part of the problem”

*

dark matter:

my eyes are tinted with it

*

boundaries between are gradations of

*

we don’t wake up to the truth of a particular phrase

we wake up to the samsaric nature of all phrases

*

the somethingness of nothingness is the fun part

the nothingness of somethingness is mother:

“playtime’s over! come home now!”

*

lying in wait for the next liberating insight is called predation

(meditation as incorrigible premeditation)

*

“self” is a roofless
nose-level
carousel of mirrors

*

look past thinking? this is natural, to the eyes

life out there is naked

the mind blushes

*

the words of buddhas (ordinary beings)
unhook our minds from our minds

*

the thought that there is something called “greed”
makes me want it

*

I think like crazy for hedonistic purposes
renouncing renunciation

*

“release is compassion, compassion is release”

but warden
I’m still here

*

attachment to attachment

(belief in the possibility of
attachment)

“is”

(would be)

the root attachment and

first error

*

morality:

when I wake to the cause-of-suffering nature
of mental attachments (fixed ideas)
and attaching (self-power)
they become abhorrent to me
(“immoral”)

this doesn’t stop attachments from apparently forming
but something subtle and wonderful happens:

these apparent forms become…

an enlightening plague of buddhas!

(my devils are my teachers when I confess them)

*

afraid to act (for I am surely wrong)

I act

*

don’t be a disappointment to the universe:

wake up to what’s in front of your face!

*

there’s only one barrier, one restraint

that “one” is a zero

*

the effort to extinguish blind passions
is a blind passion

*

repent it? no

resolve it? no

look through it or over it, during

*

self-inflicted stress whips up an acid gravy --
thick, corrosive, hallucinatory, edible

*

to whom am I obligated here? you?

must I self-punish in order to please you?

what a scam

*

fellow anarchists, the “state” is species-mind

*

thought: not a dharmic resource

*

“by doing this”

read: “buy doing this”

I don’t

*

Ellis: we’re not held back by imperfections but by perfectionism

*

in this rot,
pristine newness

*

the things I guard and guard against have no substance
but I guard with such tenacity
that my guarding
mimics
substantiality

*

“separating what one likes from what one dislikes is the disease of the mind”

no, separating likes from dislikes is the disease called “mind”

“simply say ‘not-two’”

rather: simply hear “not-two”

“give up learning and there is nothing you will not be able to know”

or: give up knowing and there is nothing you will not be able to learn

*

“mental-emotional discomfort must be extinguished!”

or confessed

*

awareness as backflow preventer

light flows out or pollutes

*

I am prohibited from opening my eyes so
I do it

*

“seeing is transcending”

seeing
inner this-resistance

seeing
inner now-resistance

(not a process)

*

at the end of my workday dispelling delusion
I have only succeeded in fine-tuning angst

I should be fired

*

while standing, I thought, inside prison walls

I saw that I was standing outside prison walls

*

I can breathe down here

when I climb I faint and roll back down

*

non-agitation gains ten acres
for every acre gained by agitation

sooner or later agitation concedes

*

a “person” is a form of
temporary anxiety

*

this Dharma of freedom becomes non-theoretical
when I look up from my thoughts as from a book

*

fear is what survival instinct feels like

even mere preferences are low-frequency fear

I’m not on edge, I’m the precipice itself

on the ground

*

at some point self-improvement is a mistake

you’re painting a freshly painted house
or surgically removing the last organ

*

mercilessly pestered by
this compulsion to attach…

I stare it down

(I’m being stared at)

*

observe
catch in the act
confess the protagonist: fear-greed

nothing else

*

this “simple shift of focus” is somatic

in focus now, that snake is just a rope

*

ah? ha! arousal? release!

(libidinous delusion: not all bad)

*

the human brain concocts rankings

the rabbit and the rat are our equals except

in the temporary tales we tell

moral:

human supremacy dies

*

on Error Isle
every wrong is right

*

clueless bodymind stumbles along
deep inside clue

*

that small, dense pain
is the air-pocket

avoid it and suffocate

*

if I wait for conditions to be such so I can chill
conditions will never be such

*

I abandon this mind and don’t

I’m gone
it’s gone
vacated

I’m looting it

*

this view is beside every point

*

the wordless teaching comes from the belly
in waves of mad unhindered neutrinos --
unhindered by mind

*

periscope dips below/rises above waterline

imagination: below
awakeness: above

I will not fully emerge

*

in the backseat: imaginings

keep your eyes on the road!

*

your boot-print “no” is stamped into my chest

I cough and it falls out again

*

there is the vast uncontained container

and there is the small internal spigot

this tight spigot keeps internals from
reuniting with externals

there is a fear of personal gore

*

ice is water
ones are zeros

*

if you’re going to put a mark on the board, any mark
you’ve got to see that it’s divisible into parts

those parts are divisible into parts
and those parts…

if you insist that parts ultimately disappear
then they must be composed of disappearance

*

remainder-divided-by-two:

insatiable

would consume itself

can’t

*

going on inside: creative fission
(cracking open, spilling)
and destructive fusion
(pressurized, accumulating)

destroyer, creator of worlds, respectively

*

seeing and confessing fear-greed in action
is spontaneous renunciation

secretly socially transgressive
aerating the species

*

rest here, now

you don’t deserve it

*

between reactions, I’m a fucking saint

*

inward pain-making:
I don’t need to think about it, I just need to see it

thinking about it is
inward pain-making

*

when I say “gut-feeling”
I’m not talking about a hunch
I’m talking about this acute feeling
now
in the gut
of which hunches are echoes or winds

*

peace or pleasure?

which one gives me a hangover?

*

the big private aha! — is nothing really

something are the tiny public ones
that poke all points in spacetime

*

while engaging in arguments and agreements, I lose

that is the rule of engagement

*

awareness of the sameness of objects and emptiness
doesn’t push mind onto objectifying tangents

it forgives them

*

the obvious unmissability of life
combined with the impossibility of thingness
expose this inerrancy, this freedom to err

*

the belly of despair is thought-drenched, sodden

this belly is in the head

*

“I must either be the creator of thoughts, or their recipient”

when?!

*

the goal of propagating anti-dharma?

to shock out of reverie

*

I am prey to my own predation
until I see it

*

this substantializing compulsion
is a cognitive-emotional cramp-spasm with
neonatal roots

*

what I’m trying to say is,
thoughts do not presently exist

(I know what you’re thinking but you’re wrong…
I say it’s “manic” to assert and reassert the contrary)

*

my tally clicker zeroes out
every time I click it

*

when the mirror becomes a window
my eyes have already jumped

*

suffering comes from the unconscious attempt to
substantialize

awareness of this attempt
insubstantializes suffering

*

infinity is a twisted circle

*

negation is negated
demoting mentation

*

inward-turning mind is outbound, too

*

I count curses for they are blessings

“the worse the better”

amen

*

I could die here
now
in this state of
ordinary flummox

*

the dynamic of the vital punchline is: release

art should kick you: back into the street

*

dharma catch-and-release is found
in the bellows of the torso

*

“please let me be myself?”

(no one who waits for permission is allowed)

*

this stuckness-illusion floats
in a realm of no
actual
points of contact

*

what’s broken through/leapt over is
the presumption

the presumption
has no basis in fact so it filibusters

*

false self is not an entity
but an activity called “attaching”

true self is the omnipresent
absence of attachables

*

why discriminate against spiritual dropouts?

are we untouchable? subhuman?

you should see our failure as proof of your lofty
“non-duality,” your classless, heaven-on-earth ideal

we bring it home!

*

if objects are events
how many live events are eventing now?

all

how many events comprise
a single event?

all’s equivalent

*

there’s “a crack in everything / that’s how the light”

flows out

*

epiphany is instant dogma

please don’t share

*

species-mind is feargreed, a crowded dream

*

insight becomes
thought becomes
attachment becomes
insight

*

take one of your pixels

note its two relative immensities
(macro, micro)

note that all of its boundaries are links

note the speed of its (de)composition

note the absence of fixedness

the purpose of this exercise is
to lose weight and work up an appetite

*

if I could only say it, I could save the world

try again, in plain language

ok:

there are no wrong turns in paradise

*

discussing with a friend how ill-equipped or
unequipped we are to know the essence

he said, “that is our only virtue”

*

stasis is pain, then death

better to unleash your antics

*

“simply stay in yourself, you will find it nowhere else” (Longchenpa)

when you learn through experience
that you can and will return to wholeness
you stop clinging to the fear of being crazed into pieces

it will happen
so what

*

completeness is the basic torso

*

as a matter of convenience, your own heart is the gate

would you be so kind as to open it?

knowing it’s shut is the key

*

“we’ve traced the call it’s coming from inside the house”

the good news is
the external menace is dead

*

I depart heaven and return to hell
because it’s the gate to heaven

*

I’m trying to get cured of the poison
but this trying-to-get-cured
poisons

*

conceptual grasping is an attempt
to depart the buddhas' wisdom

it fails

*

the pain of separation is separation itself

when the pain is relinquished so is separation

*

the unconscious attempt to form an exoskeleton is ongoing

*

head-voice isn’t primary, it’s echo

it is caused to claim that it is cause

*

we are people of great depth

pity

*

I want to abolish my doubt

I want to achieve a permanent state of certainty

but my doubt is fertilized by abolishment efforts

*

no dharma-continuation, no dharma-portability

(my bed of nails is portable)

*

doomed woodpecker with a taste for steel

snake gobbling its tail

mind trying to profit

*

where find the breakthrough?

in the broken-through

*

what’s next for me/mine?

a rude awakening

*

I went from blind rage to
blind drunk to
unconscious

all my thought-tangents are like that

*

primal fear highlights the
primal outflow that voids fear

these two are tangled like hemp snakes

*

the problem-person lives within the unimpeded
no-problem state

this state is not the person’s

it is not privately owned

the person holds title
to the artificial boundary
between itself and the no-problem state

*

it’s like trying to tell someone to
“look outward”
when their eyes are already doing that!

vision spools forward at light speed
the thought-net in its wake

*

blindness as refusal to see?

just see the refusal

*

no, the personality is not helped
it is helped by not being helped

that which helps would not be truly helpful
if it helped

*

death is unreal and significant to the living
real and irrelevant to the dead

to those who are alive
absence is an idea

to everyone else
it’s everything

*

this mind rejects what it “has”
in a tantrum of awareness

*